Episode 73: Why Most of Us Aren’t as Good at Listening as We Think | Christine Miles on Better Listening

Episode Snapshot:

What if listening isn’t about being quiet, nodding, or waiting your turn to speak — but about helping someone feel truly understood? In this conversation, Christine Miles challenges the idea that most of us are good listeners and offers a powerful reframe: listening is not a personality trait, it’s a skill we must learn and practice. 

Summary:

In this episode, Dr. Katie sits down with Christine Miles to unpack what listening really means — and why so many of us misunderstand it. Christine shares that while most people assume they’re strong listeners, very few have ever been formally taught how to listen in a way that creates understanding. Instead, we often confuse listening with paying attention, agreeing, or preparing a response. Christine argues that real listening is about uncovering the meaning beneath the words and getting to the story underneath the story.

Together, Katie and Christine explore the “listening gap” — the space between what someone is actually trying to express and what another person hears or assumes. Christine shares how her personal story, combined with years of professional leadership experience, led her to develop the Listening Path, a framework that helps people move beyond performative listening and into deeper connection. The conversation also highlights practical tools like summarizing instead of reacting, asking better questions, and recognizing that understanding begins after someone speaks — not when they finish.

Key Learnings:

• Most of us have been told to listen, but very few of us have actually been taught how.

• Listening is not about agreement, compliance, or performance — it is about understanding.

• Saying “I understand” is rarely enough; people feel understood when you can reflect the fuller story back to them.

• Strong listening helps de-escalate emotionally charged situations and creates trust in teams, families, and relationships.

• Better listening starts with simple practices: summarize instead of immediately responding, ask “Tell me more,” and make space for emotion, not just facts.

Resources:

• Christine's website

• Christine's book: What Is It Costing You Not To Listen?

• Connect with Christine on LinkedIn

Guest Info:

Christine Miles is a global pioneer in listening intelligence, host of her podcast, “Shine a light,” keynote speaker, emcee, award-winning author of What Is It Costing You Not to Listen?, keynote speaker, and founder of The Listening Path®, a revolutionary system transforming how the world listens and connects. Her work, utilized by Fortune 100 companies and schools worldwide, empowers leaders, educators, and changemakers to leverage listening as a strategic advantage. Christine is also the CEO of EQuipt, with over 25 years of experience helping individuals and organizations create cultures of empathy, drive performance, and achieve lasting success.  Her thought leadership has been featured in USA Today, ABC, NBC, NPR and Sirius XM.