Coming Home to Yourself
What if the life you've been building… isn’t the life you actually want?
That’s a question I’ve been wrestling with lately.
Several years ago, I read a wonderful book called The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. The book explores the work of psychologist Alfred Adler and introduces an idea that has stayed with me ever since: You choose your lifestyle. And often, without realizing it, those choices are shaped by our desire to belong, to be accepted, or to meet the expectations of others.
Lifestyle doesn’t mean consumerism, but in the truest sense of the phrase—a way of living. The reality is that many of us never stop to ask whether the way we're living is actually aligned with who we are or how we truly want to live. Instead, we often inherit the lifestyle of our upbringing. We mimic people we admire. We follow cultural expectations. We make choices (consciously and unconsciously) based on what people think — our family, friends, peers, social media followers, even strangers. But a way of living is just that—a choice. And if it is a choice, then we have the freedom to choose differently.
One example of this is something called downshifting—a voluntary lifestyle change where people intentionally trade continual career advancement, higher income, and greater consumption for a simpler, less stressful life. It might mean working fewer hours, taking a pay cut, moving to a smaller home, or choosing time and presence over possessions. This is a shift that Shawn and I are beginning to make ourselves.
It takes courage. Not because simplifying is difficult, but because it often looks confusing to everyone else. Some people may think you're taking a step backward. But what if it's actually a step toward a life that feels like home?
Returning home to yourself isn't about becoming someone new. It's about having the courage to let go of the identities, expectations, and definitions of success that no longer fit—and choosing a way of living that is aligned with who you truly are. Perhaps that's why I love the image of dancing in your kitchen. Imagine dancing with the whole world watching. Some people will laugh or even critique. Some will question your choices. Some will cheer you on. But regardless of what they think, everyone will recognize the courage it takes to dance anyway.
Maybe creating a lifestyle that feels like coming home doesn't begin with a dramatic leap. Maybe it begins with one courageous step. One honest conversation. One new boundary. One intentional choice. One dance in your kitchen while the whole world watches.
If that's where you find yourself today, I hope you choose to dance. I'll be cheering you on. And dancing right alongside you.
Practice
Find a quiet place with your journal and set a timer for 10 minutes. Without overthinking, complete these four prompts:
I feel most like myself when...
Somewhere along the way, I started believing that I should...
If I worried less about what people thought, I would...
One small step toward creating a life that feels like "coming home" would be...
When you're finished, don't rush to change your life.
Simply notice what surfaced.
Sometimes awareness is the first courageous step.
