Episode 101: Who Are You Without the Roles You Play? | Talking Identity with Erin Conlon
Who are you without the roles you play?
Take away the job title, the accomplishments, the relationship status, the parenting, the caregiving, the things you’re really freaking good at. Even the things you absolutely love.
Who are you then?
We spend so much of our lives answering "Who am I?" with "What do I do?" ... Answers like I'm a parent, leader, spouse, caregiver, athlete, artist, sports lover.
And none of those answers are wrong. They’re just incomplete.
Because beneath all those roles is another layer of identity: the qualities you bring into a room. What you believe. What you value. How you move through the world. The parts of yourself you make visible and the ones you don't.
In this conversation, Dr. Katie and Erin Conlon explore what becomes possible when we loosen our grip on the roles that have defined us and get curious about everything else that's there.
Because an identity can be beautiful, meaningful, and deeply important to you without needing to define you.
Maybe you don't need to become an entirely different person. Maybe there's simply more of you waiting to be discovered.
And that opens up a much more interesting question: Who do you want to become?
Key Learnings:
You are more than what you do. Roles, accomplishments, jobs, and responsibilities may be part of your identity, but they aren’t the whole of who you are. Your essence also lives in the qualities, energy, and presence you bring into the world.
Some of our strongest identities were never consciously chosen. We inherit identities from our families, communities, relationships, and culture. Part of becoming more fully ourselves is getting curious about which ones still fit—and which ones we’re simply carrying because we always have.
What we make invisible matters. There are parts of ourselves we readily show the world and others we protect, suppress, or hide. Making more of ourselves visible requires vulnerability because being truly seen always carries the risk of not being accepted.
Change can feel like failure when we’ve over-identified with an old version of ourselves. Letting go of a career, role, relationship, community, or long-held way of being can bring real fear and grief. But changing doesn’t erase who you’ve been. It creates room for who you’re becoming.
Courage is something we practice. We don’t have to magically become brave enough to change our lives. We build courage by taking small actions, surviving the discomfort, and discovering that we can do things differently.
Identity can be shaped through action. Instead of waiting until you fully believe you’re the person you want to become, start looking for opportunities to practice being that person. Ask yourself: What can I do today to become who I want to be?
LINKS & Resources:
Connect with Erin Conlon: erinconlon.com
Try Erin’s identity reflection:
Ask 10–20 people from different parts of your life to describe the qualities you bring when you enter a room. Listen for the patterns—not your accomplishments or roles, but the essence of how people experience you.
Then create two columns:
What do I do?
What do I believe about who I am?
Notice where those answers align and where they don’t.
Finally, add one more question: Who do I want to become?
GUEST INFO:
Erin Conlon is a writer, strategist, thought partner, former attorney, and... an identity you might not see coming... a comedian. Her work explores the evolving nature of identity, leadership, and personal transformation.
Erin helps people examine the identities they’ve inherited, constructed, hidden, and outgrown so they can live and lead with greater clarity, courage, and choice. Her work challenges the idea that identity is fixed and invites us to see ourselves instead as dynamic, evolving human beings with the power to choose what we carry forward and what we’re finally ready to release.
