Episode 64: Own Your Voice in a “Look at Me” World with Neelu Kaur
Episode Snapshot:
What if being “your own cheerleader” isn’t self-promotion… but self-respect in motion? In this episode, Dr. Katie chats with organizational psychologist, Neelu Kaur, who reframes self-advocacy as a generous act—one that helps you and leaves a trail for others to follow.
Summary:
In this conversation, Katie and Neelu explore the tension so many of us feel: we’re told to share our voice and value—yet we’re also conditioned not to “brag,” “show off,” or “rock the boat.” Neelu introduces a powerful reframe: move from a “look at me” mindset (which can feel hollow or icky) to a “listen to me” mindset rooted in contribution, clarity, and meaningful impact.
Neelu shares how repeated downsizing and being escorted out of a job became the catalyst for her own self-advocacy journey. Together, she and Katie unpack the cultural roots of self-silencing (collectivism vs. individualism, family conditioning, small-town and military norms, neurodivergence, introversion) and why “doing great work” is rarely enough in modern workplaces—especially large, matrixed organizations.
The conversation gets practical: Neelu offers micro-practices to build the self-advocacy muscle in low-stakes situations (think: dinner plans, choosing the restaurant, speaking up in a line at CVS), and a “dial” approach to communication—adjusting the “I” and “we” depending on context without betraying your authenticity. The episode closes with a reminder that self-advocacy isn’t just about career advancement—it’s a life skill that can help you set boundaries, leave unhealthy dynamics, and claim space in any room you enter.
Key Learnings:
Reframe the goal: self-advocacy doesn’t have to be “look at me”—it can be “listen to me,” grounded in value and service.
It’s cultural, not just personal: our comfort with self-promotion is shaped by upbringing, microculture, collectivist norms, personality, and identity.
Use the “dial” method: turn up I (performance reviews, promotions, wins) and turn up we (team settings)—without losing who you are.
Build the muscle with micro-moments: practice in low-stakes spaces so you can show up in high-stakes ones.
Self-advocacy is generous: when you advocate for yourself, you model what’s possible and create a path for others—especially those who’ve been socialized to stay small.
Resources:
Neelu Kaur — Be Your Own Cheerleader (book)
Explore Neelu's work: https://www.neelukaur.com/
Concepts discussed: collectivism vs. individualism, microaggressions, representation, internal branding, relationship-building in matrixed organizations
Katie’s practical tool from the episode: ask others, “What are you working on that you’re excited about?” then share your own answer naturally.
Guest Info:
Neelu Kaur is an organizational psychologist, keynote speaker, coach, and author of Be Your Own Cheerleader. She champions self-advocacy—especially for those who have been conditioned by culture, identity, or workplace dynamics to stay quiet and “let their work speak for itself.” Through her work, Neelu helps people build confident, authentic communication skills that elevate their voice, visibility, and impact. Her approach blends psychology, leadership development, and practical tools that make self-advocacy feel doable—not performative.
