Episode 97: What If Selfish Isn’t a Bad Word? | Rethinking Self-Love with Lisa Kohn
What if loving yourself first isn’t selfish, but one of the most loving things you can do for everyone around you?
In this episode, Dr. Katie chats with leadership coach, speaker, and author Lisa Kohn to challenge the way we think about self-love. Lisa shares her philosophy of “First, Most, Always”: the belief that when we learn to extend compassion, grace, acceptance, and care toward ourselves, we have more—not less—to offer others.
Together, they explore the difference between self-love and self-centeredness, why so many of us outsource our worth and validation, and what happens when we stop needing other people to prove that we’re enough. They also unpack achievement, people-pleasing, over-functioning, slowing down, and the freedom that comes from being able to say: This is enough. I am enough.
This conversation is an invitation to rethink self-love not as indulgence, but as a foundation for how we live, lead, work, and love.
Key Learnings:
Self-love and selfishness aren’t the same thing. Loving yourself “first, most, always” doesn’t mean disregarding other people. It means caring for yourself deeply enough that what you give others comes from abundance rather than depletion, obligation, or a need for approval.
You can’t outsource your worth. When we don’t believe in our own value, we may look to achievement, relationships, praise, or other people to convince us we’re enough. Developing an internal sense of worth allows us not only to give love more freely, but to actually receive love when it’s offered.
Self-love creates choice. Our drive, perfectionism, people-pleasing, control, and over-functioning can all have value—but the question is whether we’re consciously choosing those behaviors or automatically repeating patterns we learned long ago.
Enoughness doesn’t require giving up ambition. You can still want the bigger stage, the meaningful goal, or the next challenge while knowing that who you are and what you’ve already done is enough. Contentment and aspiration can exist at the same time.
Small practices can change how we experience ourselves and our lives. Breathing, noticing what’s good, receiving a compliment instead of deflecting it, creating moments of joy, resting, playing, and asking What do I need right now? can gradually build a different relationship with ourselves.
LINKS & Resources:
Connect with Lisa on LinkedIn
Explore Lisa's website: lisakohn.com
Guest Info:
Lisa Kohn is a leadership coach, keynote speaker, author, and consultant who has spent decades helping leaders and organizations rethink how they show up for themselves and others. She is the creator of “First, Most, Always,” a philosophy rooted in radical self-love and the belief that caring deeply for ourselves allows us to bring more love, compassion, and humanity to the people around us.
Drawing from both her professional experience and her extraordinary personal journey—including growing up in a cult—Lisa helps people recognize old patterns, reconnect with their inherent worth, and move through life and leadership with greater choice, joy, and self-acceptance. Her message is ultimately a simple but powerful one: you are worth your own love.
